Week ten - stayed the same

It's been a bad week. I've counted but only half-heartedly so I'm not surprised I haven't lost, in fact I'm surprised I haven't gained!

I don't know why particularly, I guess I just wasn't in the mood. Is that OK? Is it OK to just have a bad week, as long as you're still trying a little and not gaining? I think so and it's made me determined to do well this week to make up for it.

We had the first BBQ of the season yesterday. It was lovely but I won't deny I found it hard to point count. In fact I just gave up in the end because I'd had such a bad week I knew I didn't have much left anyway and I really wanted a yummy BBQ. I'm still pleased with myself though, because despite the booze it was low fat and healthy and nowhere near as much as I used to serve up. I just need to get better at rationing a recipe and saving up my points ahead.

I made some cheesy mexican bean burgers (that turned to mush). Only 4 points each. We also had corn on the cob (free), BBQd asparagus (free), and a green salad (free) with balsamic vinegar and a drizzle of olive oil for the dressing. It was the halloumi that did us in though, despite it being the low fat one. I just can't resist BBQd halloumi, so next time I must be sensible and leave enough points for it!

One thing that is really bothering me at the moment is the constant battle I have with staying positive and being happy with myself (and my loss). One stone in 9 weeks is really good, but I can't stop thinking that it's not enough, it should be more, I've still got a long way to go, etc etc. In fact it's quite depressing to see a picture of me now and still see a big, fat person.

Taken yesterday on a very long walk

I mean, I look better than I did 10 weeks ago and I'm in the next size down in clothes, but I'm still in size 22 jeans and I still weigh 18st3lbs! I'm huge and I've a very long way to go before children stop asking Mummy and Daddy if they ought to push the lady back in the water before she dies! In fact I went for a lovely bike ride today and a child of about 5 said to his Mum as we rode past ''Mummy, look at that fat lady on a bike''. I don't blame the kid, he was only little and speaking the truth but I was funking furious with his Mum for not telling him off!

So, watch out kids, there's a fat lady about but at least she's doing something about it ;o)

Now, where's my wine! xx